New Year Resolutions

I have a large flask brimful with tea and the year-end bumper issue of the Outlook beside me as I prepare to crusade into the New Year.

Two years back [in 2004(Dec)] I had a few recorded (in writing) resolutions and by the end of the year (2005); now do not be surprised; I had met with quite profound measures of delectable success. And then again in (2005) December I had notions about the year ahead, but they were not exactly recorded (in writing). But primarily they were met with, but this time with adequate success. The year that is about to leave by was a didactic in itself for me. I hope I have taken my lessons well. Its time for a new set of aims to aim for! Is it not?

Now this time I am going to make things quite simple for me. I have roughly two things to take care of. That’s all to it, I have decided.

1) I have decided to drink more tea through-out the year.

2) I am going to take the Outlook more seriously. I am going to flick through every page in the coming year and I am going to read everything worth a cent or say even half.

If I do the two above well, I will be successful in life. Surprised!?!?

Hell, why do I keep thinking people are interested in my life so much as to be surprised at my esoteric New Year resolutions!!! I know its all about me and my pursuits and dear reader you don’t give a dime. Fine!

But I need to be aboveboard on not fooling you by being superficial. So much for my peace; and hence the diligence in explaining why the two above are more than superfluous.

i) People who have seen me know me to be a fat guy. No matter whatever I do at the gym, the fat stays. Not that there has not been an 8 kilo downward shift in 2 years time! But still I am flabby and fat. Somewhere in my blog I had told about running on tea until the college canteen happened. So I can run on tea and go hyper, and its part of dieting. Eating less! and tea is very little calories. So 1) above takes care about the pounds Xtra!!

ii) I am a self-proclaimed dilettante at etymology. Its going to be a long journey from dilettante to tyro to novice to rookie to amateur to ‘bring it on’ to expert. I will learn new words and keep refreshing them and who else will help if not Vinod Mehta with his Outlook. So 2) above takes care about ‘words’.

iii) The Outlook is by far the most sensible thing that has happened to the Indian print media. I began my sidekick-ish journalistic career with an opinion expressed therein. Furthering my affection to the Outlook will make me oil my literary gear-levers and it’s a message to the Metro Plus – ‘I am not dead’! It was in the first week of November that I was presumed dead at the office.

iv) Then what about books and question papers, records and rough records, travel and learning. This is where the skeptics start forgetting that caffeine (from tea) is something I am addicted to. In a more positive light it spurs me on to keep reading perspicaciously through the night, to speak cogently through my speeches, to write lucidly through my literary escapades, to travel convivially through the vast lands of my country. Tea stops me from being banal. Tea gets on to my nerves. So again that’s settled.

v) It’s important for an young man like me to keep abreast of the happenings of the world. All the talk about GK and current affairs, debates and elocutions, stage shows and GDs, interviews et al. Outlook is my one-worded answer.

2007 is going to be rocking as long as I keep drinking tea and reading the Outlook. Can life be even more pleasing?

So at the end of the day I feel as long as Vinod Mehta does not choose 2007 to end eleven years of speaking out and the hills of north India and the Ghats do not start complaining about all the tea being grown, I will be Okay and successful.

I conjured a few resolutions this time around as well. Thank God!

The Govt Calender!

A few things I had deduced in life are being proven true again and again.

But before I get to that there is something personal to share.

I was switching 2006 calenders with 2007 ones. The new year's eve is important in terms of a few resolutions and stationery-switching! One of the calender's I replaced was a Govt of Kerala one and that with a 'some-other-brand' calender. For as long as I can remember the Govt calender has been a part of my household's little things. Suddenly it is not. I did not flinch. No point in pausing.

In life if you are dogged in your pursuit there will invariably be returns.
There is no point in either hate or adulation. Throughout life good people shall stand with you provided you return the favour as and when. You need not bank on individuals. By some chance of fate good people take turns to be in the right places. The important factor is being part of them, and viola you will never be lost alone.
Money has a way of keeping no records by itself; its peculiar. But God is even more peculiar in His ways of bringing some to you when in need. Just ensure that you keep subscribing to him.
Just a fleeting recount is enough for such basic tenets of life to dawn lucid and clear and for them to fall in place.

No point in pausing.

So long and Thanks for all the fish

KU gave me a long holiday. Asked me to study and come for the exams.

I chilled with friends.
I made a few gustatory escapades.
I travelled a bit.
I engaged orkut, the phone and blogger.
I drove around a lot in car and bike.
I lost out on a couple of prestigious competitions and grew the wiser for it.
I met a few people.
I wrote a few eccentric poems, sayi-kii.
I planned a lot about life.
I read a lot of books and articles.
I watched quite a few movies.
I did a bit of racing in UG I
I hit a 11 hr snooze hit (not close to my record).
I avoided ims classes and gave no dime to the labs.
I heard music and instantly liked enigma.
I felt awed by the scale of it all.

Amidst all the fuss I misplaced a few books. They were my engineering books!! And that for God's sake is my course.

-------------------------------------------------------------

I finished Book IV, So long and thanks for all the fish.
'Mostly Harmless' will have to wait.

the HHG to the G: Book III

Life, the Universe and everything

(finished book III)

"... that time and distance were one, that mind and universe were one, that perception and reality were one, and that the more one travelled the more one stayed in one place ...."

Btw I just added Zaphod and Arthur Phillip Dent into the list that contain people like Connor, Holmes, Khrenkov, Abel and Dr.Moreau.

I mentally frowned, That was a mistake. I shouln't have!

“When a man has begun to be ashamed of his ancestors, the end has come. Here am I, one of the least of the Hindu race, yet proud of my race, proud of my ancestors. I am proud to call myself a Hindu.”

--- Swami Vivekananda.

It is most profoundly true that man derives his will from his ancestors and his sense of pride is inextricably rooted with the past. It is important for man to follow the Gods his forbears prayed to. Thus I began my journey a few months back, alone!
God created man and man his Gods, said a wise man.

There is only a singular power in existence; it has never been a matter of contention. If you have ever been misled otherwise, you have been misled. I believe in the Almighty, and I believe in his omnipresence and I am obsequiously at His disposal. But at the same time I subscribe to the aggressive Tandava of Shiva, I believe in the favour of Ganesha and I took home a Sea-Goddess the day of christmas . The multi-facetedness of God is no issue for me.

“The word ‘khila’ in Sanskrit means ‘latch’. 'Akhila' therefore means that which cannot be contained or closed, that is this universe. The creation of this universe – the substance of this universe is one, though the creation is manifold. Just like how apparently you are many, but fundamentally you are one. The one is manifested in the many.”

--- Shri Shri Anandamurti

The essence of the spiritual path is that you yourself are the God. Search deep within your own I-ness and feel it dissolve away into his infinity.
I believe in my God(s) and others in theirs.
I need not mentally frown. If I did it was a mistake. I am sorry.

Author’s note to ‘the song of the bird’

“This book has been written for people of every persuasion, religious and non-religious. I cannot however, hide from my readers the fact that I am a priest of the Catholic Church. I have wandered freely in mystical traditions that are not Christian and not religious and I have been profoundly influenced by them. It is to my Church, however, that I keep returning, for she is my spiritual home; and while I am acutely, sometimes embarrassingly, conscious of her limitations and narrowness, I also know that it is she who has formed me and made me what I am today……”

---Anthony de Mello S.J

I found the book worth a lifetime of travel and learning. I am convinced books are my short-cuts.

Sea-Goddess!

Yesterday was a bright and sunny day. And as (is sometimes) usual I overslept. Waking up at 11.40 would mean to some people as wasting the better part of the day and this exactly is the problem with some people, they do not give me my space (and time). I thought I would give delayed sleep phase syndrome a break! (wink). But some things are quite next to impossible.

And yes, yesterday was Christmas.

Been a long time since I did some labour.I washed up the car (aka Minnu)

and my Black Pearl (aka the Silver Stallion). Not that I do the wash part well!
Meanwhile Cris (aka Sita Chechi) came up and Cecil had a good time. I spent a few boring hours in front of the computer and the Hitchhiker book III.
i mean which side of the road

(plagiarized caption)

Somewhere towards the evening I remembered, it is X-mas. A coupla phone calls and viola Skooly, Achu,Pappan and me were on the car (Skooly’s) headed for shanghumugham.

It was the nth time this year that I was seeing the beach. But yesterday I felt her blush at the attention she got. X-Mas was a time to be merry and you could tell by the number of people who had come up to the beach! A band of chillers, a few hundred families and cartons of police jeeps and us. We were unnoticeable in the crowd. Now I know how the total perspective vortex would work.

“…..it shows its victim the entire unimaginable infinity of the universe with a very tiny marker that says "You Are Here" which points to a microscopic dot on a microscopic dot.”

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Total_Perspective_Vortex

I could easily blend in, that is somehow my specialty. Maybe I would beat Zaphod at beating the vortex. I have no problem in realizing I am just a speck on a speck on another speck. But just like many heroic possibilities of mine the Vortex is pure fiction.

---

Christmas is a day of fun and exultation, euphoria and joy, cakes and wine, Christ and hymns. But for me Christmas is just another day. It’s often sunny and luke-warm. Maybe because I do not have any special inclination to Christ; he gave me no dime.

This christmas wasn’t exactly eupeptic. I had suffered a quick scar on my mind.

Last saarang was fine and a prize there was for long a dream. I am at times pugnacious and do not give up. At such times I make dreams come true.

“……..The CET team returned with just one prize, seemingly inconsequential but powerful enough to turn the incumbent tide and urge more youngsters to do more.”

http://www.hindu.com/mp/2006/02/04/stories/2006020401010200.htm

That prize was mine!

So what would I feel when I hear part of the team members were vile (don’t read wise) enough to manage refunds for their tickets from meera teacher. I wasn’t. My friends weren’t. Not that it’s not me who did win the sole prize.

But money has a peculiar way of keeping no records by itself.

Not in this life a battle for ‘money’ ‘coz I have a few calls too many to attend to.

I owe a lot to teacher. She gave me a chance too many. Looking back I feel how well she shaped a part of my life. Cheers for all that and Thank you.

Was I saying at times I am pugnacious? Ok, at other times I am not.

---

The sea-goddess at Shanghumugham was at her pray-to-able best!

Christ is a myth. Christmas is a mystery. Inscrutable!
But I don’t go about untying mysteries.
We met the sea-goddess, perhaps for the last time this year.
And I took her along! I thought I couldn’t live without her.

Was I wrong?

Abhinav’s message ; today morning:-
“Does God exist? Vote yes or no with reasons!”
So much for free messaging!
It was fine talking to Jinoj on spirituality.

He has done a course at the art of living institute.
The art of ‘His’ living! I mentally frowned.
At the end of the day people have their own Gods. I have mine!

I had just taken one more along.

Gypsy Me

Suddenly the question of being a gypsy or not is important.

My cousin had blogged, “I start crossing the road and dodge cars coming my way and it kind of works for me”.

Analogously “I set off to the lab tuition and find my way to the place as and when.” Unfortunately I do not remember places from the plan/top point of view of the city, and I do not have the knack to remember ill-placed and less frequented (by me) roadways. But I reach places, I find a way to!

I wonder whether that’s part of being gypsy. The whole road is for the gypsy! For he owns not the world in one sense but owns the whole world in another!

pic :- http://www.adepti.com/adepti.orig/images/gypsy.gif

Restaurant at the end of the Universe

Now what if the Vogons are really contemplating to demolish the Earth in order to facilitate the hyperspace bypass? What if the notice has been put up a while at the local planning office at Alpha Centauri? What if the time turbines at the Restaurant at the end of the universe have conjured the grand finale and would re-run it shortly? Like; is Douglas Adams re-asserting panspermia with all the Golgafrincham talk?

Now Am I paranoid!

Ever since I read Danikken’s thoughts on panspermia, I have subscribed with the curiosity of a child (at 20 I am still one).

Today I finished the second book in the Hitchhiker series; The Restaurant at the end of the Universe.

Being a dilettante at etymology and linguistics myself I have no choice but to conform to Adams who says, “The major problem of time travel is that of grammar”. Yes I will be unequivocal, it is going to be.

Consider this when Arthur and Ford are 2 million years into the Earth’s past in what would be Europe.

“It’s where I was born” – Arthur

“Was?”- Ford

“All right, will be!” – Arthur.

Douglas Adams slings pointed questions at the fatuousness of man.

Man and his pre-occupation with his ego are dealt with comedy! The total perspective Vortex for example and how Zaphod survives it (by chance)!

Hmm And I think Douglas Adams has partly got it right that the real ruler of the Universe finds all this an illusion that is not!

So much for Part II of the exciting series!

I had quite a few Christmas cakes and wine (non-alcoholic) today.

Then again why is man running after alcohol and intoxication?

There are far greater intoxicants than alcohol and still pleasurable ones.

Music, books, work et al.

And some like tea (intoxicating eh!!, hmm try seven glasses a day) are even stimulating unlike alcohol which is devitalizing.

Had visited Sita chechis’ and Abcs’ with cecil today. And before having wine at both these places, I ensured its home made and alcohol free. Hmm like I said I have far greater and saner intoxicants. So much for life!

Notebook

Saw a movie today, ‘Notebook’. Liked it quite a bit!

The gravity of the climax was lost in the theater with all the hoots and jeers of the young crowd at ‘Kripa’. I found the subject to be profound!

Tomorrow Rohit is packing off to Bombay and won’t be seen for this year. Not that the year is not coming to an end.

I would most probably stall my ‘alamb’ spree. With two hours lab and four hours of ims for tomorrow I will be enervated by the time I am home. Dude, I have no clue how I will get over tomorrow. I am so accustomed to having to do nothing important (like, KU gave me a long long holiday) that tomorrow seems to be an unbearable burden. No point in complaining. I should have guessed long ago that life is not a piece of cake, nor a bed of roses. It’s a mish-mash (a mindless one at that) of academics, responsibilities and uninspiring jokes (too practical for my take).

And KK says Ajay is a tea – addict. Both maniacs have no idea about me maybe. I have lost count of the number of teas I had had today. I am yearning for another hot cup. The only restraining factor is my damned lethargy. Like, people around me have slept and it’s going to be ‘self-service’ for the night.

A seething disregard to the rusty establishments of my government, maybe!

With every passing day I feel man is overtly insecure. For example no matter wherever I go and take out gustatory experiments I seem to come back to the same places. ‘Viswanath’ in Pippinmoodu, the ‘Thatt’ at Sasthamangalam, my own home and Indira Chechi’s magic and Rohit’s household as well. These places pull me back into my cozy space in space-time and food at all these places give me back the surety of life. I kind of regain an ‘I am me’ feeling that seems too important to move on in life. What more than roaming around for a week for all the right reasons, around all the right places, and then coming back home to food and friends. Did I say I like gypsies?? Man, tell me how they live? I am confused.

Today was the date to report at the Taluk office for the electoral ID card thing. I bunked it.

Screw me!

I have my own reasons but probably none that stand.

At the end of the day I will have to admit, I didn’t feel like going.

A seething disregard to the rusty establishments of my government, maybe!

People in this part of the world have their own unique stories about their ‘driving license’ dates, electoral id things and so on. Me too!

My ‘license’ story is an essay in itself, so is my first (earlier) attempt at procuring the ID thing. Let them wholly be mine and unrecorded! In the first place, who else cares??

Trees- they have never been in my crush-list.

I spent a considerable part of today in an express train connecting the commercial capital of my state to its administrative counterpart. As always I was jobless on the train and let myself into thinking, dreaming and the other freedoms of joblessness like, eh!... eh! Am I lost??

I had been out of station for four days now and in that time Trivandrum has partially adorned the colours of Christmas. I saw stars everywhere on my journey from the station to home. Along with my luggage was a small cover with fresh bananas – harvested from a few banana trees my father had planted in our land at Ernakulam. People; I just realized that could well be the last banana(s) I would be eating, that my father planted. Though I will have the fortune to enjoy its descendants. My father was a tree-lover and a God-lover.

At his death I had written,

“It is time to start from where he stopped.

I will have to plant for him his trees,
I will have to chant his hymns
And worship his God.”

Trees- they have never been in my crush-list.

But God has somehow managed to creep into my life quite dominantly. Yes the same God who Douglas Adams purports to have vanished promptly in a puff of logic!

I will take solace in the fact that whenever possible my father has planted lasting and ecologically important trees in his land, in his offices’ lands and in and around temples.

And I will take cue from my cousin’s plagiarized (from God knows where) words;

“What we have done for ourselves alone dies with us;
What we have done for others and the world remains and is immortal.”

Hmm! Whatever I speak or write about somehow offers connection with my dad’s deeds or words. Come on, dude I have to move on Nah?

It’s true my dad put up a fight and lost to kidney failure. But when it’s a kind of war you would end up losing no matter what, there is honour in losing dauntless till the last breath. I move on, I will have to. I have come to terms with death, particularly my father’s. I don’t feel a churning revolution tumble about in my entrails about what has happened. I still have my system and good music. A nice warm cup of tea to wake up to! A bike to aimlessly amble about! And the long reaches of the night to explore without question. Death is now too boring and commonplace to ponder over. Uninteresting to dissect and understand! Dark and stark unlike man’s enlivening white concrete and hue-full paints!

Lakshmi was talking about the supernatural. We shared quite a few interesting stories about magic and magicians, ghosts, spirits and deities. But as always talking to a lawyer (or a law student) became extremely one-sided. But wasn’t I saying I am going to keep my ears open for longer and my mouth generally shut.

Two days in Cochin!

I spent the last two days in a city that can arguably be called the second best thing that has happened to Kerala, first being Lord Parashuram’s axe.

I was left with no doubts as to which city in Kerala is booming.

Yesterday was spent between Madakappillil, Cocoa Tree, the book and some profound (somewhat enlightening as well) talk on cerebral palsy and autism. The first in the list being my aunt’s ancestral house, the second a popular hangout in this place (call it Cecil’s treat), the third being the Hitchhiker’s guide and the fourth the perils of a few people’s lives, one of them a close relative of mine.

Since I started blogging I have noticed that I have a penchant for calling days eventful. I am slowly beginning to realize that such are how days are meant to be, in life. Cocoa tree was a real experience. I have mentioned before about being at ease with man’s leaps. Cocoa tree, Ambrosia et al are part of it and gustatory pinnacles at it as well.

Even today I felt the need to blend into the busy streets, I felt the drive to be part of a whole busy set of people, unknown to each other. I wanted to blend into the shadows as well as bask under the streetlights. I was all alone today because contrary to his suggestion day before Reuben wasn’t free today. He had a God to please with some Christmas carol practice. He chose God to his friend. I wasn’t discouraged and whiled away my time at Bay Pride Mall and the marine drive. Bay Pride was a fascinating place to be in. Had I had my ‘team’ here in Cochin we would have knocked the air out of Bay Pride. Nah??
http://www.baypridemall.com

Had food at a China Town(at the Mall). Fresh, Spicy and rocking tasty!

At the drive I met with one Mr. Mahesh who claimed to be in the cine field. It is not the first time this is happening. A few months ago in a train journey I had met up with a guy of my age who was working in some camera crew. I guess that on both occasions the claims were true, because details in their speech were consistent. Today I happened to share the same bench with Mahesh and hence the association. Dude, different people have different takes on life!

After a long gap I rode my Pegasus (my Kinetic Honda, for the uninitiated). The first time it is that I was driving a two-wheeler in Kochi. The Aluva – Ernakualam route, for covering chechi’s ATM! Then again I felt - the chime of the city’s call; man’s collective urge to burn liquid gold; and my zeal for an unbiased contribution! Simply put, I felt happy being part of man’s squalid togetherness. How reeking was the unclean backwater at the drive and how disorganized the lane traffic on the route??

Between all this I found time to see how work is going at ‘Kalyan’- our house!!
Watched part of ‘Bruce Almighty’ as well.

The Hitchhiker's guide to the Galaxy

“He had found a Nutri-matic machine which had provided him with a plastic cup filled with a liquid that was almost, but not quite, entirely unlike tea.”

“ ‘I refuse to prove that I exist,’ says God, ‘for proof denies faith, and without faith I am nothing.’

‘But,’ says Man, ‘the Babel fish is a dead give-away, isn’t it? It could not have evolved by chance. It proves you exist and so therefore, by your own argument, you don’t.’

‘Oh! Dear,’ says God, ‘I hadn’t thought of that,’ and promptly vanishes in a puff of logic.”

“The last ever dolphin message was misinterpreted as a surprisingly sophisticated attempt to do a double-backward somersault through a hoop while whistling the ‘Star-Spangled Banner’, but in fact the message was: - So long and thanks for all the fish.”

Venice and then the Queen

If I wrote yesterday that I was busy and the day was eventful it was because I had no clue about today.

I had no choice but to wake up quite early in the morning, though after yesterday’s party I was kind of tired and lousy. Today was a big day for me and Reuben – the Kerala University Youth festival. But I guessed later in the day that my day was not so much big as for the guy who was selling one too many fresh white fishes at Allapuzha today. We were from disparate circumstances and that made the calculations a bit too complicated. I left it midway through ‘coz I soon learned it would be without point.

It might have been a coincidence that I started the journey with a hike as well as started on this journey a book about a hitchhiker. But the whole point needn’t be lost in between that I reached station on time to catch the Jan shatabdi as well as developed an exceedingly keen interest in the storybook. In travel you would relish good company and I did have the pleasure to share the allepy trip with a Sikh couple.

Allapuzha was once a bustling business place and still bears a rustic charm of its colonialist period. But goods that found business there today were lottery tickets, fresh white fishes and a few fibre and foam products. Thus in essence I had traveled from a town bustling enough for my take (Trivandrum) to a place one-fourth so. So much for the Venice of the East!

As I traversed the length of the district to Mararikulam near Cherthala, I saw, as I had seen six months back in Cannanore, a red flag too many dotting the green landscape of rural Kerala. The land was at places parched and at others vibrant. Just like how the blazing red is at times the clout and at other times the whimsical opposition. I have my doubts about the red, the saffron and the green but mostly I keep them to myself.
In the midst of my travel, Dad, I didn’t forget to notice the Prince Hotel (for a change it’s a really short story but left best when unrecorded).

I met Reuben at S.N College, our venue. It’s a place I have seen umpteen times as I travel along the highway. But it’s for the first time I have had the fortune to step in. I met there, people like Febna, Sherin and Lishoy – the kind of people you bump into at competitions. I was surviving on tea until the college canteen happened!
After the really difficult registration process and the long wait I did my elocution well, but Reuben did not seem satisfied. But then again with fifty-one participants and most of them truculent you do not expect much, do you? Debate was cool more so because I had bartered a bit of my stage dominance for the sake of stuffing my speech with points. At the end of the day, what matters is what you feel! I felt elated. (Did I fail to mention there were around twenty-four teams for this event and one of them is a renowned South India champion(s)).

I say again, I felt elated.

Our journey to Ernakulam was split into two. First we took a bus to Cherthala and then one to Cochin. Cochin, the queen of the Arabian Sea was naked with splendour and I felt an easy calm.

I had moved to a place that would easily pass for a metropolis. I found myself amidst the re-assuring cluttered-ness of a city and I lost count of the number of billboards and flux boards that adorned the cityscape. I lost count of the beautiful flats and expensive coffee day kind of hangouts I had started counting. And then there were way too many hotels (the Taj kind) than to be counted with flexed fingers. I saw a couple of benz s every minute. The Bay Pride mall kind of made me feel I am in a place like Chennai (the metro I have been to). Now I know that I will be drawn to far greater cesspools of human congregation (Doyle’s phrase on London) – cesspools reeking with squalid human togetherness shoddily made up by fresh paint and white night lights. Did I forget attractive marquee boards!

My father was a man of the village. He yearned for it. I am a man of the city (people I call Trivandrum one!). Little would Reuben have known that as we walked through the pedestrian drive at marine drive I was retracing a few steps that my dad had taught me to walk a few long long years back.

Reuben parted saying, “Thanks for the Pepsi”. I owed him one. It should have lost on him that he had treated me to a shake some time back, maybe in S3. So much for an ex-IITians son! Dude.

I reached the comfortable environs of my uncle’s house and I am bracing myself for deep sleep. But in between I have to tell this that nowhere in my journey did I feel left out or alone or nostalgic. There is a friend of mine, who ‘lost a wondrous lady to cancer’ (a lady who has taught me in substitution classes) –, who likes gypsies. Me too. Count me in, friend! I too like gypsies, but I have heard bad stories about their fraternizing.

Was Busy whole day!

I have had busy days in life; many of them. Today was an exceptionally busy one. Not that I had to compromise a war or anything.

“The Zen master is not against war. He just understands what war is and why it happens. He is not against war because being against anything is being at war with it.” – Osho.

I have taken busy days one at a time; one errand at a time while not forgetting the whole picture all the same. I have taken them alone or together according to what the calls were, what the stakes were, what the needs were; et al. And the bottom-line is I have reached this far. What is the purpose of it all, people have asked and I have grown dauntless per question.

But then now I begin to think, “What is in it all?”

“He mentally shrugged. No point at all actually. And perhaps that was the reason. There was nowhere he had to be. One place was as good as another. Did it matter where the sands of one’s hourglass ran out? In the end, did anything matter at all?” – Ruzhyó; ex-Spetnaz NetForce NightMoves. Tom Clancy.

I am no longer dauntless. I fear.

But the fear wont keep me down as long as I have- loved ones to ask me to (easy re-)charge a phone; people whom I care for to pick from the railway station; a Saturday supplement to work for; a friend of my sister whose marriage I am invited to; a friend to attend for at hospital; a juice shop to hang out at; a friend’s niece who is celebrating her first birthday; a decent bike to aimlessly amble about with, etc etc. Things like these keep me moving. As long as I have them I can live, I can trundle along.

Shradha had her first birthday today. It was fun, a celebration with old friends. A nice buffet feast it was.

And as always gluttony is a sin. But a pleasurable one, friend!

There are two regrets with which I would be leaving for Allapuzha tomorrow (yeah, coming to that). I had heard Santha chechi is ill, but I couldn’t visit her today. I cannot measure her love for me, and I did not fit her into my schedule today! I owe my life to people like her, do I not? Secondly I would be missing the cake exhibit I was due to ‘cover’ today. I had gone up to a place called ‘Team bakery’ in Pattom to do a story on a 100 kg cake shaped in the form of a house. But Alas! The cake wouldn’t be ready until Sunday. My efforts were in vain.

I am teaming up with ‘Reuben’ for the University Youth festival wherein we would be trying our luck at English debate. Let us see what can be made to happen. From Allapuzha I would be packing off to Ernakulam. I plan to return only on Tuesday.

Today I returned ‘NetForce’ to Eloor library and I have taken ‘HitchHiker’s guide to the gallaxy’ by Douglas Adams. I have heard lots about it. Let me try it, and be rest assured I will blog about it.

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Today I rode 72 kms on my black pearl and here is how I made it happen.

home-vellayambalam pump-home-railway station-home-kirans place-pattom lic-kirans place-vaikundam kalyana mandapam-home-sk hospital- kowdair -rohits place-rakeshs place-vazhuthacaud-rakeshs place- smc – rohits place –gym-rohits place-home-library-home-rohits place-smc- kowdiar-mystique road-kowdiar-home. I hope i did not miss anything!

Thanks. for all the flights.

Now I know why the war is being raged. It is for oil!!

Today was a strike, and the ruling government sponsored it. Can society be more logic-less? Like I had studied somewhere in my civics that Governments are supposed to run the land and when it fails what ensues is anarchy: - a state of lawlessness and disorder (usually resulting from a failure of government). The left wanted to oppose globalization. What is wrong with globalization? Frankly I don’t know.

“Globalization, or globalisation is the increasing interdependence, integration and interaction among people and corporations in disparate locations around the world”- wikipedia. It seems kind of fine for me. No problems.

But what I know of anti-globalisation is this! The strike today made Rohit and me to walk around ‘petrol’ shopping. And there was no street light in Sasthamangalam tonight. You know what; to make the 24 hr strike successful they had conveniently forgotten to switch on the street lights. I find myself in the times of brainless politics (Read that again CETians).

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The day began with hopes of settling for a game of cards at Aswin’s. But he had packed to the house of some new found friend. We ended up watching Scary Movie 4 and parts of Vettiyadu Vilayadu. Between I had taken my mother to her office on bike. KK had called up asking whether I could take his dad to office ‘coz no transport was available. I obliged him as well. In the meantime I had given a couple of other ‘lifts’ as well; given the kind of day today was, it would all go down as ‘understood’. Come on appreciate my magnanimity. (magnus = great, animus = mind). Yeah and my grasp of etymology as well! [God, I promise you I shun narcism] (wink)

Whatever! Thanks Black Pearl for all the ‘flights’.

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After all the ‘flights’ today I was left without petrol, but the urge to chill out on the bike at night sent us oil hunting (walking, we were). And viola all the pumps were closed.

I wonder how well ‘oil’ has ‘enslaved’ me. It has ‘enslaved’ humanity, as well. Mans whims are all about oil, so are his wars. Peace!

PS:- I heard news just now that my friend Arjun was admitted in hospital today. He is down with fever. Looking forward to meeting him up tomorrow.

The sea and beyond.

And then suddenly there were just the men, the sea, the warm-beach sand and the shadows. I was lost staring at the vast expanse that lay in front of me. Water! The element; It made three-fourths of the earth. The waves lashed relentlessly and the noise around faded. The sea had called me to her feet again. She does it again and again. And I relent.

Was it not last week that I found myself with KK at good old Shangumugham? Tell me who else has the temerity to accompany me on an exam week to the beach. Was it not a few long years back that I wet my feet at KanyaKumari? We had stayed at the Kerala House. Ajayan had accompanied us. The cheerful guy who did a bit of shopping there! (And yet last week I saw the same guy with wet eyes, as he said goodbye to a house named ‘Thankom’ in a quite sub-urb of Trivandrum. Long story that.)

And yes, Goa was fun! Literally drenched myself in the salt water! The white beach sand et al. And Kovalam yesterday boasted the same white sand. In places we had black sand as well. Much like the sand at Papanasam! And was it not a small detour that had taken us to Papanasam, not so long back. Somatheeram in 7^th standard, Allapuzha beach as kid… Yes, I have repeatedly subscribed to the sea breeze. I have been the mystique sea-lover all my life.

I have always loved ‘the sea’ taking me over. Lashing me and surrounding me. Only to go back unobtrusively! Yeah. In his last months I had accompanied my old man to the sea front many a time. At some point I had lost count. The sea goddess at Shangumugham and the quite sea breeze upfront were all twice a week experiences.

The beach always had a mystery. The mandapam and the Indian Coffee House! In my ninth, for Christmas we had gone there and I met Kiran and Arun Gopal there. Later in life I have been to the self same beach with Kiran et al innumerable times. I can’t forget the sands of Allapuzha. Those were the days when my father was part of the board at Foam Matting India. The rest house was very close to the beach and the lighthouse was then as is now an intriguing column of concrete silhouetting the horizon. I have since not been to that place I lovingly treasure. And when I joke to Aswany about the sands of her beach (she hails from the land of narrow roads and backwaters) little would she know that I am in fact relishing my days with my father in the green of health. That was long ago and life has taken me to a place remote and strange.

After all the chilling at the beach(Veli, and Shangumugham), we left to Pippinmoodu and our good old ‘Viswanth’. Gluttony is a sin, nevertheless a pleasurable one. (wink). The gym followed and then we watched ‘Pattiyal’, the film that Vignesh was telling me about just the other day. Pattiyal is ‘A’ rated for its violence and objectionability.

And thus ended the better part of another day in my life!

I still crave for the sea.

I still hear the bell at the Inchcape rock (ICSE days, dude, long story that!)

And I still search for the sea-temple, the one with a thousand bells (from ‘The Song of the bird’ Anthony Mello S.J).

Unanswered Questions!

For me the night has arguably just begun. It is tender and fresh and offers promise.

It has been an extremely tiring day. Yes, to be frank an eventful one as well. I am here to ask a few questions. I wont get any answers; maybe. But I cannot move on without asking them. I have touched the rock bottom of my mental fortitude. Don’t be mistaken; it’s not all about today. It’s just that today I will have to ask. Today; yes, of all these days.

What was wrong with today? Nothing. Absolutely nothing!

It was day I of freedom. My exams were postponed and today opened the stage for a 20 something day long vacation. I am an over sleeper. That has never worried me, and as usual the sun was up and ready to welcome me out of my deep sleep. These days I do not forget to chant a short morning prayer before quitting bed. I managed the same, half dazed and semi-automatically. I practice a form of meditation, its part of my marga. But suddenly I ask myself, when was it last that I meditated. Meditation is peace. I am pissed off. I am. Of all days, today I find myself deep in the bottomless precipice of unanswered questions. Did I do my first two exams (incidentally they weren’t shifted to next year) well? Yes, I would say they went quite par. KK would know. So that is answered. I was talking about unanswered questions wasn’t I?

I sold off a few old newspapers that were cluttering my house. Yeah, I still remember Lawley Road (12^th ISC syllabus, dude) and the house being cluttered with correspondence. I wouldn’t take this to that level. But old newspapers are frankly quite a nuisance.

I went to Kochanman (my mother’s youngest uncle) and heard out a long story that Kochammai had to narrate. I was listening to a lady in her old age, a virtuous lady who led a teaching career for about four decades. She had lost her son (only son) to some heart problem in 1993. Around the time I learned a then new word ‘relative’ – a long story, that! She never asked me anything, but I could feel her question surround me. The question suffocated me and rendered me a listening machine. I heard her, I had no choice. Ramachandran had a keen interest in fiction, in agents and intelligence maneuvers, like me! He would have been 43 now. I didn’t have an answer. I won’t have one. I don’t want to find one. And she was speaking about Osho aka Bhagvan Rajneesh, and his broad-mindedness. He was poisoned by Americans! As if I cared.

Kovalam was fine. We had a blast today. The white sand at the beach, the towering red lighthouse, the Australian madames, the parking fee; I walked and enjoyed the tanning sun. I wet my feet and so did my friends. The whole of CET and SCT was there rejoicing their Christmas dreams. And yet the same question came back to me. ‘I lost a wondrous lady to cancer’, my friend had said somewhere in the most profound IMs I have had in Yahoo, (around this time yesterday). The statement doesn’t qualify as a question; ‘coz it read ‘I lost a wondrous lady to cancer’, I don’t have an answer! I won’t find you one, my friend.

On our way back we had food from ‘Viswanth’, in Pippinmoodu. That’s near where my uncle had lived for more than a decade. It was not long back that I had to sign in a white paper as a receipt of his body at MCH, mortuary. That was a day of signatures and a day of death as well. I didn’t have to refresh my memory for it has not really gone from the level one cache. I carried the body (partly; like we do it together) on the way to the crematorium. It was my duty. A sign of last respect! The last rite! In between I found enough time to tell a small ‘Thank you’. Thank you for having spent a few many nights with my father in Cosmo, MCH et al. I lost my old man to disease. I lost my uncle to disease. Nobody asked me anything. But I still kind of thought that somewhere amidst it all I would find an answer. I did not.

We went to the gym today; after all the chilling-out and after the 10 day gap, gym was fun. And then again I remembered a similar gym session a few months back, around the time a member of the place who had gone to China to answer his call in life came back in a coffin. I had gone there with another friend on that day. I didn’t know the guy who died but this friend knew him really well. That day I had used a coin phone. Yes, the coin phone! I didn’t have an answer to support my friend with. I still don’t. I am in no mood to find out one.

Today night we saw the movie ‘Saw’. Some people, it said, are really ungrateful to live. None of the people above fit in.

I started out in the mind to ask a few questions and ended without asking nor answering.